Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
