I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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