I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
