just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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