It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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