Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
