it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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