Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Randomize
