She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
