we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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