So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
