he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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