On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
