i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
