WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
