I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
