she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
