Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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