I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
