I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
