I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just had sex bonerless
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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