so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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