Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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