It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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