I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
