Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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