Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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