just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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