what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Randomize
