thus making me awesome and them whores
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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