Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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