his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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