Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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