I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
