im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
