i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
