She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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