u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
