you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
