Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
two words...techno handjob
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
