I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
