Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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