I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Randomize
