i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
