I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
