Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
