My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
