Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
