Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
