I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
