Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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