Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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