nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
